I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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