I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
