Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
