I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
