whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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