Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
