my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
