she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
