if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
