Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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