broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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