It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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