It's Friday. Sex?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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