It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
