apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
