I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
