I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
