Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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