I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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