Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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