Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
