i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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