Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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