I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize