I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
