I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
