i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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