People with herpes should wear stickers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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