We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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