I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
