was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
