she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
