I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
