Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
