Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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