What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
