But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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