this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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