PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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