All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
