Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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