I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
