i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
