the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
