She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
