oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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