1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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