If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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