I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish my penis had an off switch
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
