just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
