i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
