Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
