Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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