Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
