Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
