If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
