this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
