Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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