I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
