Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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