he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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