just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
