can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
