thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
