I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
