found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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