wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
