I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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