The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize