Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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