Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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