Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
