Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
