Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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