What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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