It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
